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050 – Depress Mode

Hello, kiddos! Time for part two of our mental health trilogy: depression. Glubgogabgala: Hey dad, I have been feeling way down lately and I don’t know what to do I have just been “coping” with it in bad ways do you have any advice? Unicornsandwich35: Do you have any tips to help get out of depression? Amelia Murray: Hey Dad, Thanks for the advice so far but sometimes I just feel sad? Is this normal? Should I go to the therapist? Am I just different? Sometimes I feel like I just don't fit in and I overthink things? Any advice?  I want to start this by making one thing clear: I am not a medical professional. My advice is based on my own experiences only. I will not be talking about therapy or medication a lot, as I have no experience with either. Seeking professional help is, at times, necessary and if you can, you should. I'm going to cover two things today: Methods that can help you get out of a depression And methods that help you figure out *why* you're depressed. A depression can hit differently for different people, or for the same people at different times in their lives. You may be just fine in your day to day. Other times, you can't get out of bed. It's very important that you decide for yourself what you can handle today. Do the least, but do something. Push yourself the smallest amount imaginable. Let's take an example: often, we stop caring about hygiene or our living conditions when we're depressed. What do you feel you can reasonably do to make either of those better right now? If taking a shower feels like too much, try washing your hands, or rinse out your mouth. If you can't change the bedsheets, open a window or throw out a piece of trash. If cooking dinner seems impossible, try to identify what you *can* eat right now. A piece of bread? Some fruit? A glass of water? Move your body. Not even exercise — just movement. Dance, wiggle, take a walk if you feel up for it. Depression wants us to do nothing, so it's very important we do something. Once you've taken care of your basic needs, and you're in a more stable place, the real work begins. We need to figure out why you're depressed. I think of depression as having two sources: situational and biological. A biological depression is caused by a change in our body chemistry. It comes from within. For example: serotonin, our natural mood stabiliser, is sensitive to the changes of the seasons. Serotonin levels are lower in winter, so some people get winter depressions. My aunt got seasonal dizziness, because of serotonin imbalances! Changes in our testosterone and oestrogen levels can also affect our mood. Puberty, menstruation, pregnancy, changing hormone levels as we get older... It can all mess with our heads. A biological depression does not care about your situation. It’s there, even when you “have nothing to be sad about”. Depending on the severity, you may need treatment to stabilise your body chemistry. But just knowing that I get a little blue when my hormones are doing their thing - and that *it will pass* - makes it easier to deal with. A situational depression on the other hand comes from *outside sources*. A bad relationship, poor living conditions, a stressful time in school or at work. Fix the situation, fix the depression is a very simple way of looking at it, but sometimes that's actually what you need to do. You can't medicate your way out of a bad marriage. You can't go to therapy until you love your dead end job. These two types of depression can of course mix and interact. If you're prone to winter depression, you'll probably feel worse if your situation is also bad. And a bad situation can alter your brain chemistry, and the depression *doesn't* go away when the situation is over. When you feel you're in a stable enough place, you can start digging around for the cause of your depression. Is there something in your life you can point to and say 'That's it!' You don't have to be right, you just need to find a place to start. For example, say you don't like your job. Why is that? Is it the hours? The pay? The commute? Your coworkers? Is this not what you want to do with your life? Maybe you like your job fine, but you're exhausted all the time. Maybe you don't sleep well, because your home is cluttered. Or you don’t do much outside of work, so your free time feels monotonous and unfulfilling. Or maybe you realise it's not your job, it's something else and you're blaming your job because it's a concrete thing. My point is, like with any problem, we can only really solve it if we're honest with ourselves. Search your soul, a little at a time, until you find the core of what's bothering you. Then, think about what you can do about it. What can you do *right now?* What can you do in the long term? And what can you never change? There's less in that last category than you might think. I wanted to be an actor when I was a teenager - that will never happen. I can't change that.Accepting that has brought me more peace than being bitter about it ever would. One final thing: Depression is a selfish beast and it wants us to think that no one can understand what we're going through. This is a lie. The best thing you can do is find someone in your life you can talk to. A friend, a family member, a stranger online. Perhaps even a therapist. Voicing our concerns out loud makes them easier to see. They become smaller, or sillier. Or not smaller, but you can see the pieces and pull them apart. I feel like every answer I give is about community, but that's really what it's about. Two people, or three or three thousand working together to make our brief time here better. I hope this helped, or at least gave you somewhere to start. You are so brave and I'm very proud of you all for asking for help. I love you, kiddo. Next time: body image.