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035 – Making Friends

Hello, kiddos! Today we’re going to talk about the greatest mystery humanity has ever faced...  Raldin: How do I make friends, Dad? Hi I am Leo: I just moved and I have really bad social anxiety. How do i make some friends? Or how can I introduce myself without looking stupid? Le Hannah: Hey dad! I wanted to ask about friendship. I’m going into high school and have lost a lot of friends along the way, due to personal opinions and just growing apart from people. I’m scared to put myself out there and try to make other friends, do you have any ideas?  Not too long ago, I answered a question about my high school friends. And you got to know Uncle Daniel! What I didn't mention was that other than him, I only really spend time with three people. My mom, my partner and Daniel's little brother who plays DnD with us. I've never had a lot of friends, and working from home means it's very hard to find people who live where I live. This is to say - I absolutely understand where you're coming from. Making friends is a little like dating. You need to somehow put yourself out there and at the same time not set your expectations too high. The good thing about friends is that it's socially acceptable to have loads of them! For all kinds of occasions! When I was younger, I believed very strongly in having a Best Friend. Or even better, a group of Best Friends! I read manga like One Piece and was completely blown away by the idea of nakama, and I started seeing my closest friends as family, people I would do anything for. As you've probably already figured out, Daniel was the only one who really felt the same way. After that, I got a bit shy about making new friends. It IS scary to make yourself vulnerable and tell someone that you like spending time with them. It never STOPS being scary! For me, I've found two ways to solve this. The first one I'm really good at: enjoy your own company. If you learn to enjoy spending time with yourself, the idea of being alone is less scary. Making friends becomes a little less... urgent. This way, you can build confidence in who you are and what you like. Through confidence, we become less awkward and more genuinely cool. Daniel actually told me once that the thing he liked about me in high school was that it seemed like I didn't care what anyone thought of me. Whatever you want to make of that! The second part I'm still working on, but it's getting better. Put yourself in a position where people who are like you can find you. This can be through school, sports, volunteering... maybe there’s a pottery class, or an HBTQ organisation. Taking part in an activity is a good way to figure out if there’s anyone there who could be your friend. And then you're going to do the hardest part of all: talk to them. You're going to be awkward. That's fine. If they're friend-shaped, they won't care about that. If it feels right, ask them out for a coffee or maybe an event of some kind. Keep it chill. Keep it casual. And most of all, let it be what it is. I worked in a book store a whlie back, and I had some work friends. We never met up outside of work, but if we shared a shift together we were friends. Some of them still work there, and I say hi whenever I see them. When I went to college I had classmates who I’d talk to in school, or have a coffee with after class. And that was the extent of our friendship. That was enough. People come and go in our lives. Some return, others disappear along their own paths. This is completely natural and normal. This is how it should be. I know that it’s hard, and scary and seems like an impossible thing right now. But I also know that you can do it. Small steps, kiddo. One at a time. Good luck out there. I love you.