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029 – Awkward Talk

Oh, hey! Back for another question, are you? This one’s from Gender not Found. Same, tbh. Gender Not Found: Dad, how do I talk to people without getting awkward and weird? Social skills are hard, I feel like I never know what to say! Oh boy... you and me both, buddy. For as much as I think about communication, I’m really no good at making mouth words around humans.  And then I get self conscious about it, and it gets even worse! You wouldn’t believe the cringe garbage I’ve said around people! From my vast, vast... vast experience, there are a couple of ways to tackle this.  First: prepare and practice. I’m sure I’m not the only one who’s practiced imaginary conversations in my head. This is a quick but risky way to handle poor social skills. Quick because you can implement it more or less right away. Risky because... well, there’s a good chance you’re still going to sound awkward. Still, I think it can help to run social scenarios in your head and figure out how you want to handle them. I was a roleplayer in my youth, and my thesis for my psych BA was- actually, let me explain that better. The brain handles incredible amounts of information at all times, from sensory inputs to cognitive processes like reading and talking. Schematics are the brains way of making all that information a little easier to manage. Simply put, it makes categories and assigns certain behaviours to them. So when you see a cashier at a check-out, your brain has a response ready for that interaction. You know what to expect. The more we experience the world, the better our schematics become. We gather more information, fine-tune our response to it, and the situation becomes familiar to us. By thinking about social scenarios,  we become more familiar with those situations. This was sort of what my thesis was about: social interactions in online roleplaying communities. What I found - and there is other research to back me up — was that practicing social interactions through online roleplaying made people more comfortable being social offline. Practice, in any shape, is the best way to get better at something. While it’s no substitute for meeting people in the outside world, pretending to be a little guy online has actual benefits for building social skills and empathy. Also, as tough as it sounds, getting a lot of practice does help! My social skills when I was at university were fantastic compared to now, when I spend most of my time working alone in my home. Once you become a little more comfortable being in social situations, chances are you’ll feel less awkward too. It takes time and you’ll probably always be a little weird if you’re anything like me... but it gets easier! Speaking of getting easier... here’s the real truth for you. Growing older is a great antidote for awkwardness. It may not be true for everyone, but a lot of people seem to care less what people think of them as they grow older. That’s certainly true for me. I still say weird stuff, and I have my fair share of awkward interactions. But I just don’t have it in me anymore, man... At the end of the day, people don’t pay nearly as much attention to you as you might think. They’re more worried about how they are coming across! So... take a deep breath. You’re doing great, kiddo. Get some practice in, in whatever way you’re comfortable with and try to get yourself out there. Sooner or later, you’ll find some awkward weirdos who like the way you talk. Take care of yourself. I love you.