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005 – Girlfriend pt 2

Oh, hey there kiddo! You ready for round two of girlfriend talk?  Let’s see... last time we talked about the importance of being ready for a relationship. You gotta treat others like real people, and be honest with yourself about why you want a partner.  Today I figured we should talk about you. So you’ve done the work. You’re ready. All you gotta do is find someone you like and who likes you back, and bam! We did it! Right?  Nope. There are still some dangers to think about. Being in a relationship is an exercise in trust. No matter how ready and mature we are, there’s always a risk of getting involved with the wrong person. These things happen! Being with someone who isn’t great for you is part of life and nothing to be ashamed of! Still... we could do with being a little safer.  When I got the question “how do I get a girlfriend?” I pictured a young, lonely person who maybe doesn’t have great self-esteem.  When you’re not feeling too hot about yourself, it’s easy to fall into the trap of taking whatever you can get. If you get a little love and attention, you don’t care who it’s coming from.  I think you know what I’m talking about. We’ve all seen a parent, a friend or a celebrity settle for someone who didn’t treat them well.  So here’s what I want you to think about: boundaries.  How do you want your partner to treat you? And if you can’t think of yourself as someone who deserves respect, think of someone in your life that you like.  Would you feel okay if their partner flirted with other people? Ghosted them without explanation?  Abused them emotionally? Physically?  Think about relationships in general. What does a good one look like to you? How does it work, day to day?  Forget about looks and roses on your birthday. What does your future partner do for you? How do they treat you? And most of all, what’s unacceptable to you? This is hard work you’re doing, so let me give you an example from my own life.  When I met my current partner, I’d been single for six years. My last relationship had been horrible. I can tell you about that some day, if you want.  I knew that if I was going to meet someone, I had to set some rules for myself. There could be no petty arguing. If there was a problem, we’d talk it through like adults. If he couldn’t do that, I was out. He couldn’t be weird and controlling about my appearance. He didn’t have to like the way I dressed, as long as he knew he had no say in the matter.  He needed to have patience. A relationship takes time and work. If he had unreasonable expectations, then I knew he wasn’t ready for it.  Two weeks after I made those rules, I met my guy. It was spring of 2016. I moved in with him a year later. And I’m pretty sure we’re going to stick together for a real long time.  Alright, kiddo. I gotta go fold some laundry. Take your time and think about what we’ve talked about, and I’ll see you back here next time... And then I’ll tell you how to get a girlfriend for real.
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