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014 – Anniversaries

Content Warning

This comic contains honest conversations about death.

More questions! Qlad asks... Qlad: Here's one for you: My dad's birthday and the anniversary of the death of his father are one day apart. On my dad's birthday, he finds it very difficult to be joyful because he knows a very sad day is the very next day. What is your dad advice? This is a very sensitive, difficult question... so let’s take a walk.  Dadvice Episode 14: Anniversaries This is a tough subject. A lot of people aren’t comfortable talking about death, or confronting the reality of it. Most of us try to avoid thinking about it as much as possible. We don’t die in our own homes anymore, and having an end of life plan in place makes you look... morbid.  That is to say, how you handle the situation with your dad depends entirely on how comfortable he is talking about death.  While grieving is a normal and healthy thing to do, there can be pressure for things to go back to normal. We are expected to celebrate special occasions like birthdays and holidays, almost like nothing has changed.  I think that can be counter productive, at times. Something has changed. Life will never be like it was. Even if the loss wasn’t recent or traumatic, it’s still there. Accepting that is an important step to adjusting to this new reality, I think. Maybe joy isn’t something that can happen on that day anymore, and that’s okay.  My advice to you is this: talk to your dad. Bring it up on a day that feels right to you. Tell him your concerns. Be patient, and kind.  Tell him that you understand how difficult this is for him, and ask him how you can help. If he doesn’t feel like celebrating on that day, maybe you can celebrate his birthday on another day.  Maybe you can do something together to honor and remember his father, or have a small, quiet celebration without the social pressure of being happy. In the end, your dad has to decide what he’s comfortable with, and what he wants to do during these difficult days. Be there for him, and embrace the ups and downs of life together. At the end of the day, only love matters. Love is real.  Take care of each other, and yourself. Give my love to your dad. You got this, kiddo.