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009 – Communication

Time for another email, I think!  RinaTheLeoBina asks... 'Do you have any advice on how to better communicate your feelings? I find myself struggling to express myself when people close to me ask. So I just say 'oh it's nothing. or I'm fine' when really I just have no idea how to say what I mean.' Thank you for reaching out, RinaTheLeoBina. First off: you’re not alone. I also struggle with this. It took me a long time before I could talk about myself at all, let alone tell people I care about how I really feel.  Like with most things, practice and patience helps. I’m much better at it now than I was only a few years ago. Here are some things that you can try, in your own time. Think about why it's so difficult to express yourself. For me, I didn't want to be a burden. My parents worked a lot when I was growing up and they both had health problems. It felt easier to handle my problems on my own, than to bother them when they already had so much on their plate. Not speaking up was also easier than feeling like I wasn't being heard. The fear of rejection is a real one. Sometimes we have a hard time expressing ourselves because we can't find the actual words we need. Communication is a skill and needs a lot of practice. So we get stuck in this bad circle of not feeling like we can speak up and not being able to work on it. Or mabe you really don't know how you feel, so you can't explain it to someone else either! Try writing down what you want to say, to get it out of your head. I often have conversations with myself via writing. You don't have to keep a journal if you don't want to! This can be a temporary thing on whatever you have on hand. Keep it if you want, or throw it away when you're done. I've got so many scraps of paper and old envelopes laying around where I've jotted down my feelings just so I could work out what I was feeling in the first place! Like doing math with your emotions! Sometimes, it's easier to talk to someone you don't know. When I was younger, I talked to my online friends about the stuff I never told my parents. It felt really liberating to talk to people who didn't even know my real name! All that risk of judgment that I felt from my family disappearde, and I found out that a lot of people felt the same way I did. There's also therapy, if you feel like you could benefit from it and you're able to afford it. I've never been to therapy, so I can't say too much about it. Finding a good therapist is key though, so it may be a long process. Whatever you decide to do, it all comes down to one thing: courage. To take that first step, no matter how small. Reach out to someone... and speak your truth. It's hard work, but eventually it does get easier. Some people may not understand you, while others will know exactly where you're coming from. Whatever happens, I'm so proud of you for trying to make your situation better! You can do this! I love you, kiddo.