Unraveling

Year Published: 2021
Publisher: Self-published

Originally published in 2021, in a feverish frenzy to do something, anything that brought me some joy and excitement. Comics are always the answer. In retrospect, this turned into some kind of meditation on overachieving and being allowed to let go of projects that no longer do what you set out to do.

Like so many of my works, chances are good I'll revisit this in the future. I've learned nothing.

The cover for UNRAVELING - a comic about the importance of internet funny man Brian David Gilbert in my actual life. Brian is on the cover, in his Pepcorn outfit.

It wasn't supposed to be like this. A Wacom pen lies on a white void.

November 2019. I'm staring burnout in the eye. For the past eleven years, I've been fully focused on survival. I make money. I keep deadlines. But I'm making less and less art for fun. I only write when I have to and barely that. I am BURDENED with ideas that all get pushed through the usual filter: how can I make money off this? Who can I pitch it to? How can I make absolutely sure any good idea I have is killed instantly? I've been holding on for so long, I no longer know how to let go. And it feels like the way out is closing fast.

I am in dire need of something just for fun. Something silly. Something I absolutely can't monetize. Introducing: Brian David Gilbert.

I knew of him before of course. Through Polygon. And then I found his personal channel. I liked that the best. He brought me so much joy during stressful work days. Maybe he could get me out before it was too late? This cartoon of a man seemed like the perfect choice. Popular, so people would see my work but not SO popular that I'd feel weird about it. It'd be something just for fun, a silly challenge to get me out of my rut and do something new. Quick. Easy.

The author ponders what that something could be and lands on fashion.

The author gets to work, thinking this will be easy, but as the project progresses it grows more and more complicated. BDG has a lot of patterned shirts. Maybe a fashion magazine? But a magazine needs articles, ads, interviews.

Over-ambition consumes the author. They explode from artistic pressure.

The author lies flat on the white void. Dead.

Definitely dead.

The author awakens. Now what?

The author berates themselves. Six months of work down the toilet. There's no saving it. It's all bad.

The author sobs in despair.

A quiet beat.

The author tentatively taps their foot.

The author recovers, getting up off the floor in a colorful psychedelic haze.

That dance from BDGs 'Dances Moving Episode 7'. Go watch it.

Dances Moving Episode 7 dance continues, with watermelons in the background.

Dancing! Jumping! Skipping!

Colors, texture, an explosion in bright fruity colors and energetic dancing.

A breathless end to the dance. The author returns to themselves, colorful but a little muted.

The psychedelic haze of artistic endeavours is lifting, revealing an exit door. The author contemplates it.

The author heads for the exit.

The room is dark, light spilling out from the closed exit door.

BONUS. The author stands before a wall of discarded Brian David Gilbert illustrations. What to do with all these Brians?

A moment of contemplation.

The author tears down the wall, in a violent crunch.

The author crumples the wall into a tight ball and shoves it forcefully down a waste basket.

The author catches their breath, sitting on the full to the brim waste basket. Okay, I'm done. Comic over. Thanks for reading!

Autobiographical

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